Saturday, December 25, 2010

Boring Titles

I almost had to stand up and cheer after reading this article from Popeater about 2010's most boring movie titles. I'm always complaining about how stuuuupid movie (and book) titles are these days. Like, "Because I Said So," "The Happening." What the eff is that? The Happening. That's not a title. That's anything. Going out to get your mail could be the happening.

My main problem with book titles is how everything has to be, Something [colon] Someone's Act of Doing Something. You know what I mean? It's especially frustrating to watch The Daily Show. Every author has written a book with a title, like, Miss Economics: The Small Businesswoman's Quest to Claim Her Identity During a Time of Change. Or, A Very Dark Day: The Secret of the Great Northeast Blackout of Twenty-aught-three, One Man's Harrowing Story.

It can't possibly be that people have simply run out of concise, appropriate titles, can it? I think everyone just needs to try a little harder. Myself included.

Five Christmas Lessons

OK, so Christmas is basically almost over (thank god.) Here are a few things I learned the hard way this year.

  1. Electric toothbrushes and black dresses aren't good friends. Turn on the toothbrush once it is safely inside your mouth, or do not turn it on at all. Wear a bib. Don't get dressed until after you've brushed your teeth. Anticipate these things. Don't be such a spazz.
  2. Spoon flour into the measuring cup, rather than pouring it directly from the bag. Unless of course the recipe calls for, "a bunch of extra flour...whatever...just dump it in." (No recipe calls for that, FYI.)
  3. There is some sort of law of physics that causes all Christmas ornaments to turn the opposite way of how they should when you hang them on the tree. This law is immutable...until you've tried fifteen different positions. Then it might work.
  4. If you create a 'Mele Kalikimaka' Pandora station, it will just play, 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' over and over and over again. Seriously, like, Bing Crosby's version followed by Gene Autry, then Burl Ives, Mariah Carey, Wilford Brimley, Macauley Culkin, She & Him, and then that Japanese holographic pop singer. All I wanted to hear was, 'Mele Kalikimaka.'
  5. It's silly, really, to spend sixty whole days stressing out about Christmas, which pretty much lasts, like, ten minutes and is always fun and nothing to worry about. It might be a good idea to try not to do that next year. But I will, anyway.
Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Serious Business

I keep forgetting to mention that a dear, childhood friend and I have started doing an online radio show on the site, blogtalkradio.com. It's probably going to take us about a year of doing the show before we have the professionalism and composure to refrain from giggling for the entire hour, but, we're working on it. We started out calling it, "Serious Business with David & Sissy," but there was nothing serious about it. So now it's, "Totes Whatevsies with David & Sissy." Much more appropriate. And just so there's no confusion, he's David and I'm Sissy.

Anyway, the show isn't really about anything. We talk about tips for going green (like the miracle of vinegar,) play silly sound effects and random songs, and try to entertain each other. We discovered that when the scheduled show time ends, it stops streaming but continues to record so then we have an after-show called Hard Rock Candy & the Beach, which contains even less content and more giggling.

So, check it out. Last night's episode began the merry death march towards Christmas, but the Thanksgiving show is still my favorite, thus far.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

(Mori)Bus Philosophorum: Move Your Feet, Give Up Your Seat

There are times when I really feel like I'm about six fist shakes away from being someone who says, "People these days! No respect!" and is exasperated. Well, I'm exasperated pretty much all the time, so maybe I'm only five fist shakes away. I swear, there is a porch and a garden hose in my future.

The level of respect our society has for the elderly and disabled among us is depressingly evident on the bus. This morning I watched as an older man (maybe mid-70s) boarded and surveyed the bus for open seats. There were two open towards the back where I was, but he opted to stand at the front and cling to one of the hand straps. I telepathically said to the people sitting around him, "Um, someone, get up and give that guy your seat. Please? No one? Really? Seriously, no one is going to offer this poor man his seat?! I can not believe people these days! NO RESPECT! Where's my garden hose?"

This happens all the time and I'd like to encourage everyone to stop it, right now. Stop thinking that you're the most important person in the world, and be polite. I know what's going on in most people's heads. They get a seat and think, "Iiiiiii'm safe, nya nya. I got a se-eeeeat and you-oo do-on't." Stop it. If you see someone in a wheelchair about to get on the bus, please don't roll your eyes. Have a modicum of respect for people who are not as lucky as you are.

Now, I'm going back up to the porch. Be nice.